{"id":24794,"date":"2013-03-26T15:18:30","date_gmt":"2013-03-26T13:18:30","guid":{"rendered":"https:\/\/fundatiadanvoiculescu.ro\/?p=24794"},"modified":"2013-03-26T15:18:30","modified_gmt":"2013-03-26T13:18:30","slug":"faci-prea-multe-in-locul-copilului-tau","status":"publish","type":"post","link":"https:\/\/fundatiadanvoiculescu.ro\/en\/faci-prea-multe-in-locul-copilului-tau\/","title":{"rendered":"Faci prea multe \u00een locul copilului t\u0103u?"},"content":{"rendered":"

\"\"<\/a>C\u00e2nd copilul<\/strong> t\u0103u e suficient de mare s\u0103 fac\u0103 diverse \u201ctreburi gospod\u0103re\u015fti\u201d de multe ori \u00ee\u0163i e \u201cmil\u0103\u201d de el, te g\u00e2nde\u015fti c\u0103 tu ai f\u0103cut destule c\u00e2nd erai de v\u00e2rsta lui, iar el trebuie s\u0103-\u015fi tr\u0103iasc\u0103 copil\u0103ria. Apoi, timpul trece, iar copilului t\u0103u \u00eei este din ce \u00een ce mai greu s\u0103 fac\u0103 diverse lucruri fie pentru c\u0103 nu \u015ftie s\u0103 le fac\u0103, fie pentru c\u0103 i se pare normal s\u0103 le faci tu. Iar c\u00e2nd e adolescent e deja prea t\u00e2rziu. Mai mult, pentru a evita discu\u0163iile \u00een contradictoriu cu copilul t\u0103u, vei face, din nou, lucruri care ar fi fost \u00een responsabilitatea lui.<\/p>\n

Acela\u015fi lucru se poate spune \u015fi despre teme. \u00cencep\u00e2nd de la cele mai mici v\u00e2rste, la cele mai mari. Este una s\u0103-l aju\u0163i, s\u0103-i explici, s\u0103-l \u00eendrumi, s\u0103-i ar\u0103\u0163i ce carte trebuie s\u0103 citeasc\u0103 pentru a ajunge la rezultatul dorit, \u015fi alta s\u0103 faci temele, compunerile, desenele etc. \u00een locul copilului t\u0103u.<\/p>\n

De\u015fi la prima vedere pare c\u0103 \u00eel aju\u0163i, \u00eel \u201cfere\u015fti\u201d de munca grea \u015fi istovitoare cu care tu ai fost obi\u015fnuit de mic, de fapt nu-l preg\u0103te\u015fti cu nimic pentru via\u0163\u0103, este de p\u0103rere Debbie Pincus, psihoterapeut cu o experien\u0163\u0103 de peste 25 de ani, autoare a 7 c\u0103r\u0163i de rela\u0163ii interpersonale. Nu va \u00eencerca s\u0103 \u00ee\u015fi rezolve singur problemele, nu va c\u0103uta solu\u0163ii, ci doar va a\u015ftepta ca cineva s\u0103 vin\u0103 \u015fi s\u0103-l scoat\u0103 din impas. Iar acel cineva e posibil ori s\u0103 nu vin\u0103 niciodat\u0103, ori s\u0103 nu fie dispus s\u0103-l ajute.<\/p>\n

\n

Copilul t\u0103u\u00a0\u015ftie s\u0103-\u015fi lege singur \u015fireturile, \u015fi cu toate astea i le legi tu pentru c\u0103 le legi mai repede. \u015ei apoi devine un obicei. Sau ai un copil mai \u201cuituc\u201d \u015fi de fiecare dat\u0103 c\u00e2nd las\u0103 ceva acas\u0103 sau \u00een alt\u0103 parte, tu te dai fuga \u015fi-i duci\/aduci ce a l\u0103sat \u00een urm\u0103.<\/p>\n

\n

A te pune \u00een locul\u00a0copilului t\u0103u\u00a0pentru a-l \u00een\u0163elege, nu \u00eenseamn\u0103 a face lucruri \u00een locul lui. Dac\u0103 faci mai multe dec\u00e2t trebuie pentru copilul t\u0103u, nu \u00eenseamn\u0103 c\u0103 e\u015fti special. De fapt ri\u015fti s\u0103 cre\u015fti un copil care, la 23 de ani, de exemplu, nu merge nici la \u015fcoal\u0103, nici la munc\u0103, doarme toat\u0103 ziua, iar noaptea pleac\u0103 cu prietenii \u00een club, cer\u00e2ndu-\u0163i, evident, bani de buzunar. A\u015ftep\u0163i de la el s\u0103 fie cu picioarele pe p\u0103m\u00e2nt, mai responsabil. Dar oare, \u00een to\u0163i ace\u015fti ani, l-ai \u00eenv\u0103\u0163at s\u0103 fie responsabil?<\/p>\n

\n

Indiferent c\u00e2te e\u015fti tentat s\u0103 faci \u00een locul copilului t\u0103u, g\u00e2nde\u015fte-te mai \u00eent\u00e2i c\u0103, la un moment dat, el va trebui s\u0103 dea piept cu lumea. \u015ei cu c\u00e2t faci tu mai multe \u00een locul lui, cu at\u00e2t \u00eel la\u015fi pe el f\u0103r\u0103 ap\u0103rare \u00een acea lume. Nu va \u015fti s\u0103 reac\u0163ioneze la ea, nu va \u015fti \u015fi nu va putea s\u0103 se comporte ca un adult. Va fi un neajutorat care se va uita disperat \u00een st\u00e2nga \u015fi \u00een dreapta \u00een speran\u0163a c\u0103 va reu\u015fi s\u0103 se aga\u0163e de cineva care \u00eei va rezolva problemele \u015fi \u00eel va scoate la suprafa\u0163a.<\/p>\n

Statistic vorbind, copiii care au fost \u201ccocolo\u015fi\u0163i\u201d de c\u0103tre p\u0103rin\u0163i, la maturitate, se poart\u0103 iresponsabil, nu au abilitatea de a-\u015fi manevra emo\u0163iile, trec prin via\u0163a f\u0103r\u0103 vreun \u0163el anume, se \u00eemboln\u0103vesc des, devin dependen\u0163i de alcool, droguri sau alte substan\u0163e, cer sfaturi \u00een st\u00e2nga \u015fi dreapta chiar \u015fi pentru cele mai mici ac\u0163iuni, a\u015fteapt\u0103 \u00eentotdeauna \u00eendrum\u0103ri de la al\u0163ii \u015fi sunt incapabili s\u0103 hot\u0103rasc\u0103 singuri pentru ei \u00een\u015fi\u015fi. Astfel de persoane nu \u00ee\u015fi caut\u0103 un partener de via\u0163\u0103, ci pe cineva disponibil s\u0103 ia locul p\u0103rin\u0163ilor. Sunt, de asemenea, mul\u0163i adul\u0163i crescu\u0163i \u00een acest fel pentru care lumea este \u00eenfrico\u015f\u0103toare. Nu se aventureaz\u0103 \u00een ea, prefer\u00e2nd siguran\u0163a c\u0103minului p\u0103rintesc p\u00e2n\u0103 la ad\u00e2nci b\u0103tr\u00e2ne\u0163i.<\/p>\n

Cum s\u0103-\u0163i motivezi copilul s\u0103 fie repsonsabil<\/h3>\n

\u00cen loc s\u0103-\u0163i mai aloci titlul de \u201cDoamna\/Domnul Aranjeaz\u0103 tot!\u201d, \u00eencearc\u0103 s\u0103 \u00ee\u0163i la\u015fi copilul s\u0103 decid\u0103, s\u0103 fac\u0103 gre\u015feli. Uit\u0103 formula \u201cAre nevoie de mine, nu-l pot dezam\u0103gi\u201d! Experien\u0163a este mult mai important\u0103 pentru el, nu i-o \u201cfura\u201d. Las\u0103-\u0163i copilul s\u0103 fac\u0103 lucrurile pe care le \u015ftie \u015fi pe care le poate face. \u00cenva\u0163\u0103-l c\u0103 succesul depinde de eforturile lui, nu de ale tale sau ale oricui altcineva.<\/span><\/h1>\n

C\u00e2nd copilul vine s\u0103 te \u00eentrebe cum s\u0103 rezolv problema X, nu da imediat solu\u0163ia, chiar dac\u0103 o \u015ftii. \u00cencearc\u0103 \u201cNu m-am g\u00e2ndit la asta! Tu ce solu\u0163ii crezi c\u0103 ar putea fi? Hai s\u0103 ne g\u00e2ndim \u00eempreun\u0103!\u201d. Las\u0103-i copilului t\u0103u responsabilitea de a se zbate pu\u0163in p\u00e2n\u0103 \u00ee\u015fi va g\u0103si r\u0103spunsurile \u015fi solu\u0163iile. Sau dac\u0103 vrei s\u0103-\u015fi str\u00e2ng\u0103 de-acum singur lucrurile prin cas\u0103 \u00eei po\u0163i spune \u201c\u015etiu c\u0103 vrei s\u0103-\u0163i iau eu rufele murdare, cum f\u0103ceam p\u00e2n\u0103 acum, dar nu mai este treaba mea. Vreau s\u0103 te ajut s\u0103 devii un t\u00e2n\u0103r responsabil. \u00centr-o zi va trebui s\u0103 ai grij\u0103 de tine singur, iar eu s\u0103 nu mai fiu l\u00e2ng\u0103 tine!\u201d. \u00cei dai un dead-line, iar dac\u0103 nu-l respect\u0103, se trece le consecin\u0163e.<\/p>\n

Dac\u0103 \u0163i-ai obi\u015fnuit deja copilul s\u0103-i oferi totul pe tav\u0103 \u015fi de-odat\u0103 ai \u00eencetat acest comportament, a\u015fteapt\u0103-te la repercusiuni. Copilul, \u00een special adolescen\u0163ii, vor testa tot arsenalul pentru a te face s\u0103 te sim\u0163i vinovat de starea lor \u015fi s\u0103 te r\u0103zg\u00e2nde\u015fti. Adu-\u0163i aminte de fiecare dat\u0103 c\u00e2nd e\u015fti tentat s\u0103 renun\u0163i c\u0103 nu-i faci bine deloc. Cu c\u00e2t ai tu mai multe responsabilit\u0103\u0163i, cu at\u00e2t are el mai pu\u0163ine \u015fi nu-l preg\u0103te\u015fti deloc pentru via\u0163\u0103. E adev\u0103rat, nu-i u\u015for deloc. Nici pentru tine \u015fi nici pentru el, dar, pe termen lung, copilul t\u0103u are de c\u00e2\u015ftigat. Va putea s\u0103-\u015fi ia via\u0163a \u00een m\u00e2ini, s\u0103 ia decizii corecte, pe baza gre\u015felilor pe care le face \u00een copil\u0103rie. Cu c\u00e2t faci mai multe gre\u015feli c\u00e2nd e\u015fti copil, cu at\u00e2t vei face mai pu\u0163ine la maturitate.<\/p>\n

\u00cencurajeaz\u0103-l de fiecare dat\u0103 s\u0103 ia decizii \u015fi sus\u0163ine-l mai ales atunci c\u00e2nd gre\u015fe\u015fte. Fac \u015fi gre\u015felile parte din via\u0163\u0103 \u015fi, mai mult, ele trebuie considerate experien\u0163e. \u015ei cu c\u00e2t ai mai mult\u0103 experien\u0163\u0103, cu at\u00e2t faci mai pu\u0163ine gre\u015feli. \u00cei po\u0163i spune: \u201c\u015etiu c\u0103 po\u0163i s\u0103 faci asta!\u201d, \u201cTrebuie s\u0103 ai \u00eencredere \u00een tine c\u0103 po\u0163i rezolva asta!\u201d, \u201cSunt convins c\u0103 po\u0163i g\u0103si solu\u0163ii la problema asta. Cred foarte mult \u00een tine!\u201d<\/p>\n

Un alt lucru foarte important, dac\u0103 vei avea grij\u0103 te tine, te vei concentra asupra dezvolt\u0103rii tale personale, \u00ee\u0163i vei propune \u0163eluri pe care le vei atinge unul c\u00e2te unul, te vei comporta responsabil, copilul t\u0103u te va \u201ccopia\u201d f\u0103r\u0103 doar \u015fi poate. \u015ei atunci po\u0163i fi sigur c\u0103 vei fi o persoan\u0103 important\u0103 pentru el.<\/p>\n

\n

sursa: sfatulparintilor.ro<\/a><\/p>\n<\/span>","protected":false},"excerpt":{"rendered":"

C\u00e2nd copilul t\u0103u e suficient de mare s\u0103 fac\u0103 diverse \u201ctreburi gospod\u0103re\u015fti\u201d de multe ori \u00ee\u0163i e \u201cmil\u0103\u201d de el, te g\u00e2nde\u015fti c\u0103 tu ai f\u0103cut destule c\u00e2nd erai de v\u00e2rsta lui, iar el trebuie s\u0103-\u015fi tr\u0103iasc\u0103 copil\u0103ria. Apoi, timpul trece, iar copilului t\u0103u \u00eei este din ce \u00een ce mai greu s\u0103 fac\u0103 diverse […]<\/p>\n","protected":false},"author":1,"featured_media":0,"comment_status":"open","ping_status":"open","sticky":false,"template":"","format":"standard","meta":{"_acf_changed":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_access":"","_jetpack_dont_email_post_to_subs":false,"_jetpack_newsletter_tier_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paywalled_content":false,"_jetpack_feature_clip_id":0,"_jetpack_memberships_contains_paid_content":false,"footnotes":"","jetpack_post_was_ever_published":false},"categories":[518],"tags":[1021,338],"class_list":["post-24794","post","type-post","status-publish","format-standard","hentry","category-utile","tag-atentie","tag-copil"],"acf":[],"yoast_head":"\nFaci prea multe \u00een locul copilului t\u0103u? - Fundatia Dan Voiculescu pentru Dezvoltarea Romaniei<\/title>\n<meta name=\"robots\" content=\"index, follow, max-snippet:-1, max-image-preview:large, max-video-preview:-1\" \/>\n<link rel=\"canonical\" href=\"https:\/\/fundatiadanvoiculescu.ro\/en\/faci-prea-multe-in-locul-copilului-tau\/\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:locale\" content=\"en_US\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:type\" content=\"article\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:title\" content=\"Faci prea multe \u00een locul copilului t\u0103u? - Fundatia Dan Voiculescu pentru Dezvoltarea Romaniei\" \/>\n<meta property=\"og:description\" content=\"C\u00e2nd copilul t\u0103u e suficient de mare s\u0103 fac\u0103 diverse \u201ctreburi gospod\u0103re\u015fti\u201d de multe ori \u00ee\u0163i e \u201cmil\u0103\u201d de el, te g\u00e2nde\u015fti c\u0103 tu ai f\u0103cut destule c\u00e2nd erai de v\u00e2rsta lui, iar el trebuie s\u0103-\u015fi tr\u0103iasc\u0103 copil\u0103ria. 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